dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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