btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
