it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
