Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
