so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We need a shit load of segways right now
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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