the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
