We're like a lot better than the average bears
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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