I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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