omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
