Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
