Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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