do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Randomize
