I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
