a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
