There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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