This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
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Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
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Bring me that man meat
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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