Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
