Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
