Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
