nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
They took my balls.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
