then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
