new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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