He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
