Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I enjoy the company of your penis
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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