Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
40s are totally the cure
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
