we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I could have mohawked her pubes.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
