I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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