Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
whose parrot is this?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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