bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
