he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
