This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
