i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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