my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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