So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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