this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
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I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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