She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
