She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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