we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
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I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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