Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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