Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
