I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
