I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Randomize
