So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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