i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
