I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
