I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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