News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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