I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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