Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
