Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
