So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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