Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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