I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I know her cup size but not her name....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
