Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
