Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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