shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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