Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
