Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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