I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
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He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
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If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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