How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
