I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize