Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
