God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
