On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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