Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
