You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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