You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
