So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
