Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
