My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just gift wrapped bread.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
