So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
