im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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