I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
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you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
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My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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