Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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